Emotions are there to help us make decisions, to guide us in our personal and professional way, and therefore, all emotions are useful and valuable. Imagine that we cover a spring of water that is gushing from a mountain. What would happen? Well, after a while, water would be channeled and another place, and they may sprout several springs of the same mountain. And if we tried to cover all these new springs, over time produce hundreds of water springs where the water sprout.
The spring represents our emotions, and when it comes to painful emotions, We try to do the same: cover these emotions, but it does not work. Sooner or later, as the spring water, those emotions explode somewhere, and perhaps inappropriately. When we repress or not healthily express our negative emotions, We accumulate toxic material within us and sooner or later this material comes to light. Maybe we exploit with a co-worker, or meeting important, or perhaps with a family in our personal lives.
To manage negative emotions like fear, anger, sadness or frustration, the first thing we learn is not to repress or run away from them. The only way is to accept and extract the information they are giving. Emotions are like messengers, always give us messages about us and the challenges we face. If we kill the messenger (emotion) we are eliminating the possibility of learning something important to our emotional growth. And similar situations will be repeated until you decide to really cope.
Course, we must not only feel and accept our negative emotions, but also express them. But sometimes we confuse express emotions with vomitarlas. Puke express our emotions it is at an inopportune time, or express them inappropriately (for example, screaming, insulting or criticizing). So we only make matters worse, we deteriorate our relations, and seriously damage our image to others, they see us as aggressive people, without self, unreliable, and therefore do not want to work or collaborate with us.
The expression of emotions must always be preceded by a pause to decide which is the best time, the best place and the best way to express. Also, we express our emotion with a specific word, avoiding blame or criticism. But of course, we express what we feel and not keep silent.
Once we have internalized these two points (accept and feel my emotions, and express them assertively and healthy) we are on the way to becoming emotionally intelligent people, with the enormous impact it has on our personal life and career. Then, I indicate you the 3 Key steps to manage our emotions:
1. Feel and accept the emotion or negative emotions you're feeling, and describe that emotion with a specific word (fear, sadness, Rage, discouragement). It is as if internally, we we were to say something like “Now I feel very angry”. The fact of giving a name to the excitement will help us to distance ourselves and not get carried away by the emotionality.
2. Using a strategy to curb negative emotionality in order not to throw up emotion or falling into aggressive behavior. This can serve to make several conscious breaths, or ask: “Is this the time to express? Am I in the best state to express my emotion?”
3. Decide the time, where and how to transmit and communicate my emotions or emotions, in order to express them assertively and healthy.
Like any skill complex, you need to practice and repeat these three steps with consistency and discipline, in order to go integrating it as a positive habit. And very important, we should avoid judging or criticizing hard every time we fulfill the 3 steps and fall into old aggressive behavior. We must take it as a process of emotional training that takes time and patience. Thus, We internalize reach one of the core competencies of emotional intelligence, self-regulation of emotions, key to success for a leader in your career.
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